It's after six and the only thing I am sincerely amazed by today is that it's the first time anybody has called me out on my motives in a conversation. In fact I thanked him for it. I have always rationalized that nobody wants to hear why I'm asking something or saying something, yet in reality it must be frustrating to have a question come out of nowhere with no explanation other than pure curiosity. I did have a reason and follow up questions and an ulterior motive as I put it; instead I froze and lied about just being curious I'm not entirely sure why I did. My best guess is that I'm either scared of what response I would get or that I'm just intimidated for personal reasons. Unfortunately I have yet to figure out which it is. I don't know why I just can't be open with people, I never give them a chance to respond to what I'm thinking because I never share. I decide what I want to ask or say or talk about and then chicken out and generally just give some crappy excuse. How am I supposed to be a person worth the time when I don't give others the time? I need to commit to opening my self up and trusting I won't be torn in two by what others think and say. What's the worst that could happen anyway? There's no guarantee people will stick around, and that is what I'm most afraid of. The worst thing that could happen is everybody could decide I'm not worth the time; can I truly blame them if I don't even think I am?
Always torn in two,
Gumdrop
Always torn in two,
Gumdrop