Not only are there two sides to every story; there are two sides to every thought, statement, and idea. I see people posting on Facebook about everything from the last thing they did to what is currently the bane of their existence. I think it is people asking for attention a lot of the time; it is an easy way to get sympathy and attention without actually seeing anybody. Yet on the flip-side I have always been taught to deal with things by myself; I don't see why people want to do this. Perhaps that is why I turned to photography and am not the greatest conversationalist? Anyhow, since I don't know how to talk to people I don't know how to express myself appropriately to others, so what I see as asking for time to process something ends up looking to them like I am angry or bitter and locked away. I see talking about how I feel as complaining and weak, I listen to others talk about how they feel and I see a person with a lot going on and a healthy person. I can't help but wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with anybody. Hell, I am so stuck in not sharing anything that I can't even say the whole truth in a personal journal. There are people in my life that think I should see a therapist, but I only see that as a waste of money because I can not make myself share a single thing. I keep things in until I have a break, or an episode as I've begun calling them. I try to be normal and do things I think are expected of me and all it does is hurt. Even just the most basic and normal things seem wrong with me and I can not do them. I was torn in half when somebody I really care for extricated themselves from my life so suddenly and permanently. There is still something I need to say to this person. I'm so good at saying the wrong thing that I have just stopped saying anything though. In all honesty I feel that I need a shoulder to cry on; that's the only thing I know to be okay. I need a life eraser; I have made so many mistakes. I need a friend really badly.
|
gumdropThe story of me will never be complete. Archives
June 2017
|