There are so many new people here, I don't think I belong. I don't even know who I am. I can't be me if I don't actually know who that is. worse yet, I don't know how to figure it out.
I'm really just a wad of contradictions...
I'm known to be "promiscuous," while I wish I had never had sex, and I can't seem to figure out how to say no to a man.
I only seem to go out with men who expect sex, and I know that's all they want from me... and I still complain about how I can never find a man who respects me and wants me for more than just my body.
I have always felt unwanted by every person in my life specifically my mother and father, now since I'm gone they want to be a part of my life.
My friends don't trust me, and I don't know how to trust them because I'm always scared of being hurt.
The only time I have ever refused to do something was because I was embarrassed by it, even if i had really wanted to do it.
The only things I know for certain are that I am a people pleaser and will do anything anybody asks of me, even if it kills me. I don't know any other way to be accepted. I know that I am socially awkward and very very shy. I don't know how to talk to people. I know I am not very interesting. I know I am afraid of pain and I very much want to cut because it makes me forget. I know I have never been wanted in my life, by family the men in my life, or even friends. I know I get reputations. The last thing I truly know is that I want to change.
I hurt,
thank you for listening,
ooo
gumdrop
I'm really just a wad of contradictions...
I'm known to be "promiscuous," while I wish I had never had sex, and I can't seem to figure out how to say no to a man.
I only seem to go out with men who expect sex, and I know that's all they want from me... and I still complain about how I can never find a man who respects me and wants me for more than just my body.
I have always felt unwanted by every person in my life specifically my mother and father, now since I'm gone they want to be a part of my life.
My friends don't trust me, and I don't know how to trust them because I'm always scared of being hurt.
The only time I have ever refused to do something was because I was embarrassed by it, even if i had really wanted to do it.
The only things I know for certain are that I am a people pleaser and will do anything anybody asks of me, even if it kills me. I don't know any other way to be accepted. I know that I am socially awkward and very very shy. I don't know how to talk to people. I know I am not very interesting. I know I am afraid of pain and I very much want to cut because it makes me forget. I know I have never been wanted in my life, by family the men in my life, or even friends. I know I get reputations. The last thing I truly know is that I want to change.
I hurt,
thank you for listening,
ooo
gumdrop