I can't stop thinking about the perfect guy, the one that doesn't actually exist for me. A tall, tan, sexy, muscular, silly, sporty, smart, and funny, guy who has a truck. Damn. Well anyways, this guy doesn't exist to my knowledge, and if he does... lemme know! Until I find this prince charming though, I keep crushing on these guys that are just not good for my health. These guys aren't bad people, just not right for me. Which is probably exactly why I'm crushing on them, because I know in the long run it would never ever last. However, that's what I think about any relationship I have, friend or otherwise... specifically otherwise. I always expect the worst in a relationship... Let me give you a couple examples. I'm seventeen going on eighteen and have only had two boyfriends, granted they were long for "teenage relationships." My first boyfriend and I dated for about five months before I ended things abruptly. I didn't want to give him a chance because I thought I was a joke to him. His name was Michael, and he asked me out then walked away to talk to a friend, it was odd and I really thought he was going to walk back over and say something along the lines of, "it was all a joke, why would you believe anybody would be into you... of all people?" I kept waiting for the ball to drop, and I waited a long time, every single time I was with him I assumed he was going to end it, and tell me it was all a joke to him. I got sick of waiting for the worst, and I ended it, without even having enough courage to tell him why... More recently though I ended it with a guy named Shaun, we had been dating for a year and five months... (side note: Why can't I just have a short passionate fling????????) So anyhow Shaun and I were kind of good together, but things were going downhill fast we weren't doing things together and I was sick of talking to him. He made me hate myself more than is even remotely okay, he's the guy I lost my virginity to, and I think that's why we were together so long. Being alone now scares me, not because I can't take care of myself... I'm telling you right now that I can, and prefer to usually, what scares me is the fact that I'm not a virgin so nobody is going to want to date me or ever marry me because of it. I'm scared that every guy I date is going to expect sex since I'm not a virgin. Shaun wasn't my type at all, and he made me really hate myself... the worst part is that for the longest time I thought I was in love with him. So based on my "past relationships," I either end something before really giving it a chance, or I choose a guy who is just really terrible for me. Honestly I don't know why either of them asked me out, I thought Michael asked me out as a joke and I thought Shaun only wanted me as a rebound.... Because there really isn't anything special about me, I'm so average. AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FLIRT. when I try it's a lot like "hey, this guy is so very very attractive and funny... I should say the most dumb weird creepy thing I can think of to scare him away." And if I can keep myself from doing that and freaking the guy out, I cant think of anything cute or clever or sexy to say so I'm all like, "so anyhow..... I just read this book, and it had words in it, it was great." nothing hotter than looking like you're just a terrible conversationalist... I'm surprised there isn't a waiting list to date me, I'm babe of the year.... not. So I'm single, ready to mingle (hate that word... ) and I can't flirt to save my life. And I still keep noticing these really attractive people and I have no idea how I'm supposed to get their attention. I'll just always be waiting for my prince charming, I won't give up on him, but I'm pretty sure he was pushed off a cliff or something...
3 Comments
X
1/9/2014 01:25:19 pm
Don't worry, you will find a guy one day. Just like I will find a girl one day. Express yourself and you will bring forth people who want to be with you. Don't worry there are guys like me who refuse sex so you have a good chance.
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Lets Say My Name is Fred
1/12/2014 01:14:08 pm
Umm so I like you a lot and would love to go out on a date with you but I doubt you would say yes. I feel like you would come up with a reason and it probably is a good reason. I already know no girl likes me so that should be good enough reason. Alright so I give you all my love and support.
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Gumdrop
1/14/2014 12:16:23 pm
"Fred," here is my advice for you.. When you like somebody, be confident and don't assume anything. That is one of the most unattractive things a guy can do. If you are going to ask somebody to go on a date, just do it, and be confident. Any girl you ask has the chance to say no with or without a reason. There are girls out there that like you, I'm sure of that because you are a good person. It's sweet that you said you like me, but you hardly know me, it's a crush. Thanks for the support, let's work on being friends though.
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